24th Nov 2003
it’s happened yet again…
So today I started crying in my lesson again. I don’t know what it is, I just can’t stop it when I feel like I have to cry. If my teacher starts giving me shit and I get frustrated, BAM.. there I go and start crying. And I can’t even explain why.. I feel like such an asshole. My teacher is all like.. has something happened with your boyfriend? Something else? Blah blah blah? And all I can do is shake my head and not talk becuase if I do I’ll cry more. I guess I’m just tired, stressed, and moody in general… but I wish there was some way I could prevent it. I need a vacation.. I’m so glad we’re off for Thanksgiving.. but it’s just going to make me want to work even less when I come back. Not to mention I think me and my dad might kill each other during the short break. Bleh.
Hey.. i’m being true here (not like my other comments) when i say i know what your feeling. couple years back i was studying in Nottingham UK doing an HND music Tech and it ended, i got it, good marks and all and so took my then part time job up full time (electronics store.. alot like radio shack) and it broke me… I wasn’t happy for ages.. until one night, walking to a bus stop with ali (shes mentioned somewhere else in one of my comments on your site) and we got to with in like 20 meters of it and i stopped.. turned to ali and just started crying… i didn’t know why, i just felt so yuk in my belly and chest that it had swelled up and come out my eyes.
.. so, i went to work the next week and it came back.. so i went and hid and cried again.. blah!!.. then the week after it happend again alyhouthgh this time it came outta no where. I was in the back of the store hiding cuz i felt si shitty.. someone came and asked what i was doing on there way upto the office and i could only answer them by crying,, words where all gone and that was it.. he sat me down and the manager came to talk to me.. we had a long chat about what was going on in my life… and we worked out it was the fact that i just hadn’t been ready for leaving college.. my life was soo flat working in the shop.. i’d done all this work at college and was now in this lil cycle of work, sleep, work sleep etc etc.. so i quit the job and found a uni too come to (the mamger told me too) she was cool.. they were like 4 understaffed when i left… so now i’m here in london, happy as could be.. lifes sweet!!
What i’m trying to say is.. double check what your doing in life is “deep” enougth to satisfiy your self projected potensoial.. and if its noit (i dunno, wrong course, wrong college, wrong BF, wrong town etc etc) then change it cuz thats what i did.
.. Catch yuz laters,
hey… I love you mandyhead! If, for some weird reason, you ever want to talk to me, I’ll listen. (Weird, because there are plenty of people you know better than me, that you’d probably talk to before me. I just want you to know that I care, and want you to be ok.) *hugs*